I Am Joshua, Gmail Destroyer

It’s been almost two weeks since I, Joshua, destroyed my Gmail account. The following is a record of the events which led to my Google separation.

Sunday, May 27 2012

11:31am   I meet up with an old friend who asks if I got an email he sent me. I ask him which email he used to contact me. I proceed to explain that I no longer check that Gmail account and that he should now use my new Gmail address.

2:33pm   Pondering on the matter, I resolve to delete my old Gmail account upon returning home so that any emails sent to that address will get bounced back.

7:13pm   I log on to my old Gmail account and try to figure out how to terminate it.

7:19pm   I give up and google the phrase “how to delete gmail account”.

7:20pm   I am warned that terminating my Gmail account will also terminate all Google services associated with it including any blogs, documents, and YouTube videos created under the same account name.

7:21pm   I begin wondering which account, the new or the old, I used to write my previous blog and upload all my YouTube videos. I navigate to Blogger in a new window, sign in under my new Google account and verify that my old blog was created under my new Google account. I also verify that all my YouTube videos were uploaded under my new Google account and thereby determine that my old Google account is completely expendable.

7:40pm   I switch to the previous browser window where last I was informed of what would get deleted. I press delete. Google reiterates what is about to be deleted and requires that I place a check mark next to each service verifying that I fully understand the consequences of deleting my gmail account. I press delete. Google informs me that my account has been deleted.

7:44pm   Just to make sure, I try logging in to my old Gmail account. I successfully log in. Perplexed, I try logging in to my new Gmail account. I am informed that my password/username is incorrect.

7:45pm   My heart skips a beat.

7:46pm   Upon trying to recover the password that Google claimed I forgot, Google then informs me that this account (my new Gmail account which I have been using for the past 3 years and which contains my previous blog and all my uploaded YouTube videos) has been deleted. Google informs me that I may be able to recover said account if I answer a security question.

7:50pm   After 3 attempts at answering what the make and model of my first car was and Google responding that their servers may be down, I press command-Q with an ardent nerd-fervor.

8:02pm   I try again and realize I can skip this question and answer another. I skip the next three questions. I am asked to give approximations of the month and year that I began using various Google services. I blindly reply having no real clue when I started using any of them. I give Google my iCloud email as a way of contacting me.

8:21pm   I receive an email from Google informing me that if I pay the sum of one american dollar the review of my account reactivation will be expedited. I decline out of anger.

8:25pm   I rage delete my old Gmail account.

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